Fear Has Become Reality

Friday in Taiwan...

I woke up this morning and I am sick....really sick. And all I can think about is the 1.5hr train ride there and the 1.5hr train ride back. I loaded up on Tylenol and aleve. I have had a dry cough since Monday that I kept attributing to the horrible smog here, and I mean horrible. Everyone here will probably die of some kind of lung disease. The cough has become more uncontrollable, but still just a dry cough. My body is aching to the very core of my bones.

The Tylenol kept the aches at bay while we traveled on train and then taxi to AIT. Our wait at AIT was pretty fast. I think we only waited about 15 minutes in between each person we had to speak with. We made it through the first set of questions with the lady who was preparing our case for Joyce. Joyce received our file and then called us to the window where she began her interrogation. She was very short with her questions and was mainly interested in the financial aspect of the adoption, how we came to know about His Hands, and how we paid them, length from time we applied to referral, and time we have waited since referral. But, she kept going back to financial questions regarding the cost of the adoption. She said she was done with all the questions and that she would have Leia's visa couriered to us by Monday. So, we left there and headed to Burger King for some lunch before boarding our train back.

I would have loved to stroll around Taipei for a bit, but at this point all I can think about is how my body needs to lay in a bed and not move. I ordered something at Burger King, took one bite, and was done. Then, I thought I would try some ice cream and see if that sounded good. I couldn't eat anything.

I asked Trena if we could stop at a pharmacy, because I either have a horrible kidney infection or pneumonia, as my back is in excrutiating pain. We finally found one and they only had keflex, so I bought some and we headed back to the train.

David napped on the train, and I tried my hardest, but I was in so much pain, and started running a high fever with chills. So, thankful for Trena. She held Leia the whole way back while we napped. We went straight back to the apartment.

I was so upset with being sick. We were supposed to go to the Morrison Academy concert Friday night and see Holly and Trena's children perform in it. But, I went straight to bed and David didn't see me for 26 hours. David was supposed to go on a 45 mile bike ride with Ken on Saturday, but he was unable to go since I was so sick. I ran such a high fever, even while alternating tylenol and advil, that I would wake up and the sheets were soaked; you could wring them out. Then I would be freezing. The hairs on my scalp hurt from having such a high fever.

We didn't get to go to Cheelung Island either....major disappointment. I was determined to go eat with Leia's birthmother Saturday night. I was week feeling and still having horrible sweats. By now, my cough is horrible, and I know I have pneumonia.

I am determined to meet Leia's birthmother tonight, as this is a once in a lifetime opportunity; so sick or not here we go. It took me forever to get ready, once I finally removed myself from the bed after 26 hours of borrowing in it. And, yes, 26 hours of lost time with Leia. I managed to finish getting ready even through the profuse sweating, gut-wrenching coughing that had me hovering over the toilet, dizziness, and complete exhausting fatigue. Leia's birthmom is 18 years old, and from what I have learned is still in the era of life revolves around her. She called everyone related to His Hands asking where we were, why had we not called her yet, and so on. Holly finally reached her and told her we were on her way, and no we were not running late. We arrive at the street corner where she is to meet us and she gets in, turns around smiles soft and then releases a small giggle and turns around. She says to Holly that Leia is really cute and has grown much. The next 10 minutes to the restraunt she was really quiet.

We got to the restraunt and there were John and Cheryl Dunn and their family. WE had missed getting to meet them all week because their son had been terrible ill with a stomach virus. I was so thrilled to finally meet Cheryl, hug her, and thank her for the part she had taken in Leia's life and the life of her birthmother.

While we waited for our food, we tried to chat a bit with Xio Chi. But as Holly explained, Xio Chi speaks very fast and doesn't taken an ounce of consideration that Holly, well can only understand about 20% of Mandarin Chinese. So, we didn't chat a ton. I gave her the gift that I had pondered over for months. It just seemed so inadequate and made me feel so guilty thinking of what I was gaining and what she would lose forever. After several months of debating what my small token to her would be, I finally decided on a beautfiful silver heart locket that I ordered. I will describe it best I can. It was a rounded heart that slid on a sterling silver chain that clasped by a toggle with a small ball with crystal rhinestones embedded in it that hung with the heart. Inside the locket was a solo picture of Leia and a picture of Xio Chi holding her at chinese New Year smiling a smile that said she was content with her decision. I gave her the small velvet bag that held the necklace and she just sat it down and placed it in front of her; and then she smiled and just started at me. I was puzzled to say the least. I smiled back...waiting...okay, can you please open it. Holly interjected and explaind that Taiwanese people think it is rude to open gifts in front of the giver, that it makes them seem too greedy and eager. I asked her to tell her that I wanted her to open it. Xio Chi shyfully opend it. Holly opened the locket for her and she looked at us with the biggest smile. She said thank you in Mandarin, and yes, I understood her. But, more than that I could see the appreciation in her beautiful deep brown eyes that are just like Leia's. As I sit here tears are rolling down my face. Most of our meaningful conversation took place in the car when we picked her up and dropped her off. We expressed in simple words, elequence was not needed, how greatful we were to her, how much we loved Leia and everyone we know loves her too. She never said anything....just her smile, the same smile I see when Leia sees me.

To say the least, I was spent. I don't think I have ever sweat so profusely in my life, and no, it was not from nervousness. When we got back to the apartment I made a mad dash to the bath. Not only was I sweating from being sick, but oh yeah, the air conditioning here might as well not exist, and have I mentioned it is hot and oh so humid here. So, bath and then straight to bed I went.