Remembering that first touch

So, I am in a sentimental mood today. I have been reading so many adoption blogs and blogs of those who have a love for orphans that parallels my own. I love reading about the feelings people feel when they hold their child for the first time, their days of pain as they wait through a pregnancy or knowing their baby is out there but they can't hold their child yet, and all the emotions that go with having children.
I love my four children to the depths of my toes and beyond. As Buzz Light Year says, "To infinity and beyond," is the love I have for my children. I remember so often the emotion I had when I held Olivia, Logan, Carson, and Leia for the first time. There was the overwhelming emotion of love that cannot be put into words. Then the emotion of knowing they are YOURS and Gods, and no one elses. You are responsible for that being for the rest of your life. Their life will be a testament to your life as well. What a responsibility for parents...wow.
To know you have carried a child within your body and delivered a beautiful miracle from God is priceless, just like waiting for God to choose the perfect orphan to be your child forever and waiting through an unknown timeline is priceless as well. There is fear with either scenario, but also a calmness in knowing that God is control of it all.
To Olivia-
You are my angel who I held for the first time. I was in awe and wonder when you were placed in my arms. You were worth every ache, pain, sickness, and fear. You are such a light with your smile, love, kisses, and hugs. You are an amazing big sister. You are at an age where you are my friend. We talk, play, and have fun. I love you!




To Logan-
You are my little knight. I was so scared when they took you to a bed where they could care for you closer than in my arms. The first 10 days of your life were horrible for me. They wouldn't let me hold you, kiss you, or feed you. And the few times they did, it was so brief. But, in the end, God made you a strong and vibrant little boy that keeps me on my toes, who gives the best bear hugs, and is learning to be such a gentleman.




To Carson-
And I thought I would travel far to Vietnam and pick up a little girl. But, God had a better idea. You were right here in the same state. We found out about you 6 months into the adoption process through Vietnam. I became a friend with your birth mother after she chose us to be your forever family. I love her with a love so strong that my heart breaks every time I think of her, because she does not see the amazing little boy that I hold everyday and hear the best little bear chuckle that is so sweet to everyone's ears. She loves you, I know that for a fact. I watched you be born and stood by while your birth Mommy held you first and cried so hard. The moment will never leave my mind, and then she handed you to me. I love you.




To Leia-
To the other side of the world and back you came. I thought the process would never end. We started the research and 20 months later you were in my arms. I will have to say Christmas for our family is amazing. Your birth Mommy chose us to be your forever family on Christmas Day 2009. I waited everyday to see pictures of you and dream of holding you. And it finally happened on May 12, 2010 that I held you for the first time. You snuggled right into my neck and there you have been ever since. You, along, with your sister and brothers are like diamonds in the air for me, each beautiful with your own cut into life, clarity of where you came, color of your skin. Each of you sparkling so bright in my life.



Remembering touching and holding your child for the first time is an amazing gift God has given us that only you can have. No one else shares that same moment; it is your moment. For those of you waiting through a pregnancy or waiting through an adoption, take a minute and dream about that first touch. Carson and Leia's birthmom's had their "first touch" with their sweet babies, even if it was for a brief moment. No one can take away the moment they did have. I remember everyday that there are two woman in this world that changed my life forever. I remember the look in their eyes as they said goodbye to the child they had given birth to...a look I will never forget. I know they loved more than people will say. They loved enough to be selfless. They were not thinking of themselves when they gave their child, they were thinking of the child. Love to all who are waiting for that "First Touch."